Care of the Elderly

I work in an area that has a very high elderly patient area. As a general rule I like old people. A few things need to be considered when caring for the elderly….

Firstly I think elderly people should be given longer appointment slots than those youngsters.  It’s not the huge amount of past medical history or the complicated medications and allergies they have that take the time, it’s undressing them, and not because they have arthritic fingers and can’t undo buttons, oh no…it’s the body armour! 

It’ll keep the chill out!

For example I’ve just seen a woman, who had a vest on, then a bra, then a bodice, then a long sleeve thermal vest, long sleeve top, followed by a woolly jumper and a huge coat and scarf.  All I wanted to do was see her back! 

If the younger generation took this approach to dressing it would save the NHS serious money.  I’m sure they would still get the same amounts of spots and colds, but we wouldn’t be seeing so many girls for contraception. The boys around here struggle to pull their trousers up, let alone undress a woman.  The bra itself is a struggle for these young lads…most of them can’t even get them off a washing line….

  …but alas they can still have sex with or without their “birds” bra on! Now I think they would have less luck having sex with someone wearing a bodice, thermal knickers, long vest and thick tights. (Without even considering incontinence paraphernalia)

Second consideration about caring for the elderly is you have to not take literally all the things they say.  The worse case of this is the comment:

“Don’t ever get old, Max”.

OK lets look at the alternatives….

a: I drop down dead right now.

b: I get suspended in time and space either by some freak split in the time/space continum or in a Walt Disney esq. freezer unit.

Hmmm, thanks, but I think I’ll just grow old disgracefully!

My final consideration for this instalement is sound proofing the walls. Otherwise consultation become a 3 way thing:

Max: “I-SAID-HOW-IS-YOUR-HEARING?”

Pt: “YES, MY BOWELS ARE CLEARING!”

Everyone else in the building: “NO! I CAN’T HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING, THAT MORON DOWN THE CORRIDOR IS SHOUTING AT HIS PATIENTS AGAIN!!!”

 Such fun!