Relapse of Max’s chronic condition…

Posted on December 10, 2010. Filed under: Did I say that? |


I have been so good lately, but this week I have had an exacerbation of my Chronic F-i-M syndrome. It amazes me that when it occurs I don’t get more pain in my knees or dental problems. Yes, it’s proven Foot-in-Mouth syndrome (- thankfully I think my writing style has improved since this early blog)

2 main exacerbations this week:

Firstly a patient who was a little snotty – both in psychologically and physiologically,  presented with sinusitis.  Now sinusitis is a condition that always gets on my nuggets. I can sympathise having had blinding sinusitis myself, but sometimes patients come in with such minimal signs and symptoms and demand antibiotics. So I confess in this particular case my heckles were well and truly up, as she had symptoms for a few days and very little to show for it clinically. Now I kindly pointed out to this nicotine stained, eau d’ashtray adorned lady, that smoking was one of the worse things she could do. 

She then snapped in snotty tone that last time she stopped smoking she nearly killed herself.   As she was apparently exaggerating her sinusitis symptoms, I assumed she was exaggerating here also, and thus I blurted out:

“Well killing yourself would prevent sinusitis of course!”

She then pointed out that she really had attempted suicide when she last quit smoking. Furwham!!! (The sound of my foot smacking its way through my teeth).  At which point I agreed to give her an unnecessary prescription for antibiotics and let her go and have a fag!

Secondly, a pleasant chap came in complaining of penile warts. I should explain that he had a bit of a northern accent. For those not in the know, British Northerners tend to skip a few word out of their sentences. Now I love Northerners, and have even dated them, and I am fond of the accent, so I am not taking the mick out of their accent, cos ee by ‘eck the last thing y’want is ‘  mardy northern on yer case!

To avoid the wrath of my silly/inappropriate comment what the gentleman should have said was: “I’ve had warts ever since I was a boy”

What he actually said was: “I’ve had ‘em from a young boy!”

I knew what he meant.

What I should have said was: “OK”

What I actually said was some comment about him being a paedophile.

Lead balloon anyone?

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I’d rather say something that went down like a lead balloon than have penile warts, that’s for sure!


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