Archive for March, 2008

I’m going to have to quit!

Posted on March 26, 2008. Filed under: Apply topically |

Two items in the news this week have caught my attention….

Firstly the news that yawning is a sign that you are tired (no….really?), and that the government is spending money to remind drivers that if you start yawning you should pull over and take a break.

Dr Neil Stanley, a sleep expert from the Clinical Trials and Research Unit at the Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital, said:

“Yawning quite simply means you’re on the roadto falling asleep – so if you’re yawning behind the wheel it really is time to pull over.” (Hmmm, Dr Stanley’s example of researchers humour.)

Well alas I shall have to quit my job, I’ll never manage to get to work on time if I pull over for a rest every-time I yawn.  I’ll have to find some way of entertaining myself as I drive through the countryside to work…perhaps I should count sheep!

Doesn’t work anyway…

My obvious tiredness is likely to make me irritable and angry….but what to do….

That brings me to the second item…

People who cannot control their anger have nowhere to turn leading to family breakdown, sickness and mental health problems, a charity has warned.

Anger management in Primary care is a bit of a nightmare. I have had several patients requesting anger management. There really seems very little services available to these patients. Mental Health trust, which appear grossly under resourced, state they can help for the related depression and anxiety, but have no facilities that actually focus on anger management.

So what do we do….well perhaps we need to address the underlying issues.  Simon Usbourne and Tim Walker identify there is lots to be angry about. Including road rage….perhaps next time I get stuck behind a tractor I should just take a deep breath, yawn, pull over and have a rest.

If as a consequence of this I never got to work, I would get stressed by it – problem solved!


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Calm before the storm…

Posted on March 19, 2008. Filed under: Journal from behind the desk... |


It really is the calm before the storm….both metaphorically and meteorologically. Taking the latter first – they are talking of a White Easter! I’ll believe it when I see it. 

Metaphorically it’s that time of year, where tourist towns (and the GP surgeries within), have a real feeling of  calm.

Everyone has a sudden urge to clean their stethoscopes for the first time, polish the proctoscope, irradicate ear wax for the ear pieces and just look at the dust behind my monitor…

Meanwhile all the locals who work in the tourist industry are trying to enjoy their time in Majorca, as they know that soon it will be time to come home, soon they will realise their business has made it through another difficult winter. 

So currently there are very few tourists, and quite a lot of the locals are sunning themselves in foreign climates. Consequently the surgery is fairly calm.  Even a few empty appointment slots. The new Registrar is getting used to his role and thinking he has landed on his feet in this relaxed little sea side town…..has anyone warned him?  Any day now things will change.

Round here we don’t listen for the first cuckoo, or look skyward to see the first swallow to know it is spring. Other things happen…

What’s in the sky? Spit or Swallow?

With the Easter holidays the tourist season begins….the signs of spring around here are different…..

Metho the clown takes his first bath of the year and tries to detox. 

 Krusty the ClownHis alcohol induced jaundice saves him a fortune on face paint, but the over whelming pong of stale alcohol and cigarettes makes parents not so keen to book him…so detox is essential.

The hoteliers all arrive in the surgery, showing off foreign infected insect bites, blistered sun burn and telling tales of holiday doctors who “didn’t speak one bit of English” (why should they, they were in Spain) and gave them tablets, “I’m not sure what they were called or what they were for, but could I have some more?”

And then the coaches of holiday makers arrive… more “I’ve forgotten my tablets, yes dear, the little white ones for my chest I think”

Oh yes,

Ready for your coil fitting?

Spring is nearly here.

If the storm hits, and I can’t get to write next week, you’ll have to amuse yourself with the fantastic Kim and her Change of Shift, and gem as always!

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Review of the week…

Posted on March 12, 2008. Filed under: Benign |

Patients Question of the week…

Having been given that rounding up statement by me, you know the one that tells the patient it really is time you left, my patient gets his coat and before leaving asks….

Do I go out the same way I came in? 

What I said was “yes!”

What I was wanting to say was….

a: “Yes, we like the patients in the waiting room to see people leave, so they know we didn’t kill you”

b: “No, I’m afraid you have to climb out of my window, the door only opens from the outside, I’m a slave in this room and to ensure I don’t leave you can’t open the door from the inside!”

c: “No, it is imperative that you walk out doing a chicken impression.”

Max’s daft rhetorical question of the week…

Is a bowel habit something worn by a crappy nun?

Blog related giggle of the week…

I often take the time to browse my blog statistics, and often take amusement at the search phrases that led people to my humble blog.  Often they border on the perverse, “Nurse + uniform + sex”. 

Sometimes I wonder what the hell I have been writing about to get “hits”, such as: “Infinite Banging 5″. I assume it is a good film, but I’m sure I haven’t done a preview for it (or starred in it).

Othertimes I wish I could contact the person doing the search and perhaps offer them some professional help, for examples whoever Googled: ” My bowel symptoms are like rabbit poo” or “Xray tech did rectal exam”

But this week I was amused by: “Dead corpse”.  After all it’s the alive corpses you need to worry about.

Worst history giver of the week:

Chap comes in and starts talking about very vague symptoms, I finally manage to discover he had a blackening coming over his eyes, and neck and head pains earlier all of which have now gone.

I still feel that I’m not being told something. I ask him to take his shirt off so I can examine his neck and shoulders and that’s when I KNOW there is something he has forgotten to tell me, 3 ECG stickers….

Pt: “Oh those, I thought I’d taken them off”

Turns out he’d collapsed while shopping!  Don’t suppose I really needed to know that part of his vague symptoms….DID I???

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Happy belated blogiversary to me!!!

Posted on March 5, 2008. Filed under: Benign |

It has been a year since I first started blogging at WordPress!  (On the advice of Shane) But like the Queen I have two “birthdays”.  I actually started blogging on 18th October 2006 over on Netaspace.  I looked back in December and realised I’d missed that blogiversary completely.

Looking back, my first few entries where scaresly more than a few paragraphs, no pictures and scaresly few readers.

Being of simple mind I like pictures, so they soon came in.

When I started blogging it was for the amusement of a few Nurse Practitioners on a NP forum and for my own pleasure and getting daft things of my chest.  Never did I expect to have readers literally right across the world. I have made friends (is that a bit sad to confess: My name is Max and I have computer friends, that I have never met or even spoken too).

Don’t worry though I am seeking help through blogaholics.

During this year I have got myself around a little…

My first trip away from my blog, was at the request of the lovely PixelRN who enslaved me to write for Nursing Link. Which I enjoyed but two blogs a week was a bit of a strain, so I was relieved when PixelRN went to find a new job, so I could sneak off stage!

I’ve also thrown my hat about for various editions of:


and even started up a friendly place for Nurse Bloggers to hang out on Facebook.

48 members.

So what for the future….

Ahh who knows?

Try to be amusing. Keep going until I run out of time to do it, run out of things to write or become disillusioned or dead!

Thanks for your support and a special nod to…

ElaineMy PhotoFlowers in a VaseA Moof’s Tale - My PhotoMy PhotoLife in the NHS  and loads more besides….

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