Not scared enough??
Bored with swine flu? Increased war zone fatalities not decreasing population adequately? Need something new to worry about? Why worry about new killer bugs when you can worry about good old fashioned BLACK DEATH!?!!
AH YES…The scare mongery media have got bored….(although I think if the government were in trouble about something, this would have more attention…)
The BBC reports a second death from pneumonic plague….DOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!! The report states that “…it is caused by the same bacteria that occur in bubonic plague – the Black Death that killed an estimated 25 million people in Europe during the Middle Ages”.
OMG…..what shall we do?? How about a nice digestive and a cup of camimile tea…. and look at the facts…
People infected with the plague usually experience flu-like symptoms, including fever and nausea, after an incubation period of three to seven days. If treated early with antibiotics, plague is curable….. oh my god it’s curable….oh how dull….
OK lets work harder….everyone is bored with invisible bacteria…lets go for a more visible threat…how about “Ladybird flu”? It’s a killer cross between a bird flu (avian flu) and the variant of the worst flu known to man….yes….Man flu! It is transmitted by “killer” ladybirds.
Symptoms of Ladybird flu are….urm….fever, and your skin turns red (probably due to the fever) and then you develop black spots… oh crud, someones already got those symptoms for diagnostic purposes…
Damn you Rocky Mountain spotted fever and of course Anthrax…
OK, so the new symptoms are that after you developed the red skin and black spots, you get severe back ache and then your back splits open and wings emerge from your back…and start repeating tongue twisters.Flew or Flu?
A flea and a fly flew up in a flue.
Said the flea, “Let us fly!”
Said the fly, “Let us flee!”
So they flew through a flaw in the flue….hmmm, not sure anyone is going to buy this one….
Lets just find another historic disease and spin it for the media… don’t want the public to start feeling they might be healthy again…lets say…hmmm Smallpox….actually no lets not, that is actually quite fricking scary!
How about….”Highly contagious weeping sores rife amongst children and can be spread to adults and across species“… Good…. Lets add a bit of science….”caused by staphylococcus bacterium“…. oh yeah sounds good. OK, OK, it’s just impetigo and the death rate is close to non existent….and easily treated with antibiotics….not so good…..
We need something not treatable with antibiotics to get the media really interested and scare the general populous…. I know the media will love this one….
“Disease which may quickly spread around the whole population” that is “Untreatable with antibiotics”, that “Guidelines state that treatment is not recommended”…. Warts or verruca’s not really that scary sounding though…
How about a sexually transmitted parasite that increases in size inside your abdomen and then pushes it’s way out through sexual organs and spends then next few decades causing havoc and costing tax payers thousands of pounds? Yeah, pregnancy…not that scary really (well pretty terrifying, but people are aware…)
Why am I wasting my time trying to think of something to scare everyone? I’ll just wait a week or so, the media will think up some health scare to sell papers or the politicians will have something to hide so they’ll distract us.
Before I close, I must draw thy attention to my blog mum…she has just celebrated her 4th blogiversary and produced a cracking addition for Grand Rounds. Keep up the good work Kim!!