Cheat post!!

Posted on September 21, 2009. Filed under: Benign |


OK, so I’ve had three weeks off and returned to 200+ emails and a stack of post

My room looked like it had been tidied when in fact it had been stripped of all essential goods, (gloves, urine sticks, prescriptions etc.) Someone had even found a half rotten apple in my cupboard, and rather than usefully thowing it away, they’d gone to the effort of writing on it some sarcastic comment about it being “not exactly fresh fruit”, and nobody had bothered to water my plant.  Needless to say I’ve some catching up to do, and writing my blog is going to have to go on hold for another week. Well sort of… 3 weeks with no post is bad enough, but 4 is terrible, so I’ve found a relevent email I though you might enjoy…and I’ll try to restore normal service next week…. 

Disclaimer for the stupid…the following is supposed to be funny and not to be taken for advice!!!!!!!

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain… Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! ….. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: ‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO, What a Ride’ AND….. For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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2 Responses to “Cheat post!!”

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the truth about being healthy is moderation. We only live once, we have to enjoy and try everything at least once. We have to eat to live, and not live to just eat. As a hispanic female I can tell you that the secret about us not getting as many heart attacks is that we don’t take everything to the heart. We are happy go lucky people. So my advice to you is enjoy life to the fullest.

Fantastic advice…don’t take everything to heart…

Take salt with a pinch of life!


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