You called your Nurse Practitioner what?

Posted on October 16, 2009. Filed under: Journal from behind the desk... |

Some while ago, I wrote a post called “You called your baby what???”  Well I thought perhaps I should turn it on its head and tell you what I get called from time to time, this post amazingly doesn’t include swear words! 

Yes, amazingly I have been called some unpleasant things in my career.

I decided to write this post after a week in which I have seen 3 of my regular patients and have been called several things, most of them quite sweet.

As a Nurse Practitioner I have a few problems with people calling me “Doctor”.  I’m a man, I wear a tie, and I run a clinic from a consulting room, I suppose the stereotype is bound to cause problems. I always correct my patient, after all I don’t want my employers to think I’m not being paid enough, imagine the guilt they would feel?!?!?!?!

None-the-less one of my patients used to call me Doctor Brown Bear, now I am Nurse Practitioner Brown Bear…but it’s a bit of a mouthful especially when you are 3 years old. For those of you not in the know, Dr Brown Bear is Peppa Pigs Doctor….

Oink, Oink!

I also get called several things by one particular patient. A charming gent with a slight mental health history, who always gets in a muddle. He is one of those people who likes to say your name at the end of every sentence, which would be fine if he could manage to say the same thing every time. He starts off OK, calling me Mr Nurse, the starts to get confused between my first name, surname and eventually starts to spoonerise. So I go from Mr Nurse, to Mr Max, to Mr Murse and Mr Nax. All in the space of a 10 minute appointment. Still at least I’m not called Friar Tuck, I never know whether that’s a terrible spoonerism or a proposition?

Other patients also call me “sweety”, “darling” and even “gorgeous”.

Needless to say my patients are often riddled with poor eyesight and mental health problems!

Yesterday I did get called “Wayne Kerr”. Well the statement was as follows… “You Wayne Kerr, I need my sleeping pills!”  The patient was quite drunk, so perhaps that’s why he thought I was called Wayne!  Unfortunately I didn’t give him his sleeping pills, because he had been drinking excessive alcohol. He thought I was being unreasonable as he’d only had 2 beers all day.  Perhaps I was being harsh, but I hadn’t yet had my morning coffee!

In other news…

Apparently Scientistist have found the Pheromones that can make you irresistable to the opposite sex…that’s apparently not as exciting as it sounds as the studies have only been carried out on flies!

Still having the opposite sex attracted to your flies is a good start!

Buzz…. off!

And finally….
Y ahora una pequeña nota al español… He recibido recientemente palabra que tengo algunos seguidores españoles. Tan ” Hola y Welcome” ¡y goce por favor del blog y fije sus comentarios… y apesadumbrado si mi español es un “pedacito oxidado” (rusty!!)
It looks like I’ve gone from Peppa Pig to Dora the Explorer…. (She has had a makeover, kids they grow so quickly, …before you know it Diego will be showing us how to use condoms…)

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5 Responses to “You called your Nurse Practitioner what?”

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Buenas noches,Max! Well as we say in Spanish: Lo prometido es deuda (it means I keep my promise). I’ve called so many things today (not so bad,anyway),I’m starting to have identity problems.At least five times I’ve been called Maria by an elderly gentleman who wouldn’t believe my name was just Paula (many Spanish women are called Maria something: Maria del Carmen,Maria Dolores…)No matter how seriously I try to introduce myself as the nurse in charge (I work in Emergency Room Area in a hospital).People would call me Doctora (and God knows I insist I’m a nurse).That’s when they don’t call me things such as NENA (baby), CHICA (girl),BONITA (pretty),REINA (literally,queen),CARIÑO,MI AMOR,MI CIELO…Or tell me I remind them a relative from an exotic country they haven’t met in centuries (my height,my voice,the shape of my face, so familiar…)And the funniest of it all is that these words come from people I’ve never seen in my life (and do hope not to see again) and usually behave in a passive-agressive way.And last but not least: TU,LA MORENA BAJITA (HEY,YOU, THE PETITE BRUNETTE).Maybe I should have drunk some more coffee to finish my shift in a better mood.It really should’t happen in health care.
Buen fin de semana para todos.Enjoy your weekend!

Max, I believe the moniker was supposed to be w*nk*r, not Wayne Kerr.. Probably was from England somewhere. Too funny! My patients also insist on calling me Doc sometimes but they know that I will always correct them.

Thanks for that Paula! As for the being recognised by strangers, I apparently have “one of those faces also”. On one occasion thought I was aproached (in a pub) by someone who thought I was an actor from a hospital based TV programme called “Casualty”, I had to point out that she did recognise me from Casualty (the old English name for the Emergency Dept.), but not the TV programme. She left looking foolish!

As for your NP saves lifes…you nougat! I case it has missed your attention this blog attempts to be humourous and I am of course a Brit! I was perfectly aware and trying to keep the post clean! But bless your heart for thinking I was so innocent!

…..will never be able to look/think about Friar Tuck in the same way ever again!!!

PS – Wayne Kerr definately needs to be added to the Norfolk dictionary of English phrases……

Penny…Glad I amooosed ewe I ken speak nawfuk pretti good. I learned it frum listenin’ t’folks in humbase and Coo dee!

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