’tis the season to be a wally…

Posted on December 17, 2009. Filed under: Benign |

HO! HO! OH NO!?!?!

Yes time hath flown and Christmas season is upon us again.

It’s that joyous time of the year when patients try to fatten the staff up, in hope that we’ll be nice to them next year. (As if we can remember who did and didn’t buy us what!) Still all chocolates welcome and I shall work as part of a team to ensure their rapid demise!

Now I am not going to go on about the patients rushing to surgery saying ….”but I need to be better for christmas”…. or ….”I wouldn’t have normally come, but it’s Christmas next week”…. because without even looking I’m fairly sure that I moaned about that for the last 2 years!  Although I vaguely remember writing something about Cliff Richards last year!!!  (Just put the link in and realised it was ’07…my how time flies when your blogging!)

SO what am I going to tell you about….ahhhh, how about I tell you my top 10 things I  learnt from the works Christmas night out….Here goes….

1: Once you’ve half a brazilian wax, you have to keep on top of it, or else it itches. Incidentally older blonde women don’t have pubes worth waxing.  (Both these points I learnt from conversation, and they are not eye witness acccounts, it was a good night out but not that crazy!)

2: Most of the men I work with don’t like the idea of coming out with a bunch of drunk women….I’ve been doing it since I was 16, so am well trained and used to it.  (I’m sure I did something else as well when I was at college and Uni’, something involving books and classrooms, it’s just a vague blurry memory)

3: One of the Practice Nurses likes to grab my arse every year.

4: Those young girls in reception looked shocked by the oldies misbehaving at the start of the night, and realise that they didn’t invent getting drunk, and actually experience pays off, it’s alright though I’m sure her mum will wash her dress for her!

5: Just because you have a Doctorate doesn’t mean you have any sense when it comes to drinking alcohol. (I mean really, red and white wine together and slurping straight from the bottle!)

6: When the waitresses are your patients, you don’t have to remember what you ordered for dinner, I just hope they knew it was mine as they like me and not put it aside and spat in it!

7: When your patients are also having a night out at the same venue, you can get feedback on whether the patients like you or not….”Hic, you’re that Purse Nactitioner, I fink you’re lovely”…sweet, the effects of alcohol on people.

8: That cute girl in reception that you flirt with is going to drag you onto the dance floor, thankfully rescuing me from the drunk patients.

9: Just because you used to be able to twist down so low your bum was on the floor, doesn’t mean you still can!

10: When the taxi driver is your patient you can expect to hold a consultation for the duration of your trip home, even if you are a little inebriated.

Incidentally we have a sexual harrassment problem in the surgery…there is just not enough of it, so I’ve bought some mistletoe in,  bet I get caught by the old hag with bad breath!

We’ll I doubt I’ll have time to post next week, so in the event I don’t, I wish you  a good un, enjoy drink responsibly (i.e. don’t spill red wine and white carpet), and may the children get all they want and those of you on duty enjoy yourselves, remember if it wasn’t for you some other poor bugger would be doing it!


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2 Responses to “’tis the season to be a wally…”

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That’s hilarious, you conveniently failed to name the nurse who grabs you “arse” every year?

Wow! Sounds like you are having way too much fun. I used to take mistletoe to work with me every year when I worked for the local grocery store before I got smart and went into the nursing field. Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year.

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