Archive for November, 2010

Good Old Max…

Posted on November 9, 2010. Filed under: Journal from behind the desk... |

I’ve always played the part of an old git, but as Nurse Practitioners go, I am quite young….Actually I was quite young.  There comes a time when you realise that you have more in common with your “older” patients than your “younger” ones.  Alas I have passed my 36th Birthday and realised that I am closer to 40 than 30! 

Old Max??

Don’t worry, this doesn’t bother me, but I just have to accept that as sure as the leaves turn brown in the autumn, there are signs I am getting older! (Well we all are, let’s face it, from the day you are born you are moving closer to death all the time!!)

The first thing I noticed that told me I was getting on was when those medical students knocked on my office door the other week, as stated previous, I thought it was a pair of  12 year olds doing some late trick or treating dressed as doctors!  One was an attractive young “girl”, I felt like taking her home, not cause she was young and sexy, but because she looked too young to be hanging around without adult supervision…

“Does your mother know you’re at medical school?”

Then I find myself on a rare coffee break with the reception staff.  The girls that I feel I fit in with because they are young and fab, (like I falsely think I am) are listening to a conversation the “older” staff are having. I join in the conversation and my young friends both say together something wholly depressing like “What’s an LP?” and we weren’t talking draining CSF, but Long Play records… you know a 12 inch?

Yes it’s true my young friends have never seen a 12 inch…I’d offer to show them mine, but fear a slap.  Still they probably don’t know what an “inch” is anyway!

Then I call a patient into my room and see they were born in 1990. I should be thinking, hmmm, contraceptive advice etc, but no, I’m thinking: “Where are my “I’ve been good for the Nurse stickers”?”  There they stand, not cute kids, not even teenagers, but proper grown ups with their own kids!  Had I started my reproductive life earlier, I could be a grandad now without either me or my children having underage sex.


Then the life changing realisation hit me… the next bunch of nursing students to leave school and start Uni where not even born when I started training.  The babies I saw being born on my midwifery placement, could soon be nurses!! (Thanks to Kim for the picture!)

The sad thing is in the current climate the older I get the further my pension gets!  I’ll be 70, stooped at my desk, incontinence pads on my chair, needing a 12-year-old medical student to listen to patients chest cos I’m so deaf… I’ll be using a dermoscope just to see chicken pox, and unable to test patients for dementia because I can’t remember the questions I just asked… What an image!?

I think I’ll go quiet again for a while!

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Welcome back…

Posted on November 3, 2010. Filed under: Benign |

It’s unlikely you’ll get excited by the thought of me posting regularly again…so don’t, I still can’t afford the time.  This post is entitled “welcome back” simply because I had a weeks holiday and had the ultimate monday morning on my return so I felt the need to off load…

There are better ways to off load…but not many…

So I get to work, and rather than a friendly…”Welcome back, did you have a nice week off”  I get “Don’t turn your computer on, we’re havin’ trouble!”

So 1 weeks worth of emails, scanned post, blood results etc. I can’t check.

Oh well I crack on with the “actual” post rather than virtual post!  A letter from the prescribing authority stating I have prescribed two control drugs that I shouldn’t be prescribing. I know I haven’t but I am going have to look at why they think I have and they can’t give me the patient details, but just the month it was prescribed. Another unnecessary time consuming exercise, but I can’t sort it yet because…. the computers are down.

Then the patients start coming, an influx of complicated patients whose note I can’t access…sweet joy! Once again I find myself wishing for a UTI (not personally of course!) But no, I get patients that have been discharged from hospital awaiting heart surgery, patients wanting to know the results of investigations I have never heard of, patients who want some more of the tablet they had this time last year but have no idea what it was.

Eventually the computers come back on-line, by which time I am running more than ever-so slightly late!

There’s a knock at my door mid consultation and I find two school children dressed as doctors… a weeny bit late for trick or treat… Oh hang on! One has a stethescope around his cute little neck… Medical students!  I would have known they were coming, if  I’d read my emails…which I couldn’t as the computers were down when I got in!

“Oh do come in!!”

So now I have to try and catch up, look competent and entertain the children students.  I get to the end of the morning clinic feeling completely ragged. 

Do I need another holiday? Hell no! I’d have to come back again!

Still, I have kind of caught up with myself today, so much so that I could have a quick blog.

I feel better already.

Highlight from the week so far:  I called on one of the GP’s for a second opinion of a prostate.  He stood there, finger firmly up the patients arse and said quite proudly with confidence and in a reassuring tone:  

“Oh yes! That feels wonderful!”

I’m sure the patient was reassured, but I doubt he thought the experience “felt wonderful!!

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