Good Old Max…
I’ve always played the part of an old git, but as Nurse Practitioners go, I am quite young….Actually I was quite young. There comes a time when you realise that you have more in common with your “older” patients than your “younger” ones. Alas I have passed my 36th Birthday and realised that I am closer to 40 than 30!
Don’t worry, this doesn’t bother me, but I just have to accept that as sure as the leaves turn brown in the autumn, there are signs I am getting older! (Well we all are, let’s face it, from the day you are born you are moving closer to death all the time!!)
The first thing I noticed that told me I was getting on was when those medical students knocked on my office door the other week, as stated previous, I thought it was a pair of 12 year olds doing some late trick or treating dressed as doctors! One was an attractive young “girl”, I felt like taking her home, not cause she was young and sexy, but because she looked too young to be hanging around without adult supervision…
“Does your mother know you’re at medical school?”
Then I find myself on a rare coffee break with the reception staff. The girls that I feel I fit in with because they are young and fab, (like I falsely think I am) are listening to a conversation the “older” staff are having. I join in the conversation and my young friends both say together something wholly depressing like “What’s an LP?” and we weren’t talking draining CSF, but Long Play records… you know a 12 inch?
Yes it’s true my young friends have never seen a 12 inch…I’d offer to show them mine, but fear a slap. Still they probably don’t know what an “inch” is anyway!
Then I call a patient into my room and see they were born in 1990. I should be thinking, hmmm, contraceptive advice etc, but no, I’m thinking: “Where are my “I’ve been good for the Nurse stickers”?” There they stand, not cute kids, not even teenagers, but proper grown ups with their own kids! Had I started my reproductive life earlier, I could be a grandad now without either me or my children having underage sex.
Then the life changing realisation hit me… the next bunch of nursing students to leave school and start Uni where not even born when I started training. The babies I saw being born on my midwifery placement, could soon be nurses!! (Thanks to Kim for the picture!)
The sad thing is in the current climate the older I get the further my pension gets! I’ll be 70, stooped at my desk, incontinence pads on my chair, needing a 12-year-old medical student to listen to patients chest cos I’m so deaf… I’ll be using a dermoscope just to see chicken pox, and unable to test patients for dementia because I can’t remember the questions I just asked… What an image!?
I think I’ll go quiet again for a while!