At home…

It all ad’s up…

Posted on June 23, 2009. Filed under: At home..., Benign |

There must be an absolute heap of money in advertising, I did consider it once for the blog, but really couldn’t be bothered for the few quid I might make, but when it comes to big drug companies they spend a fortune and can afford to, because presumably it pays off.

I find a nights TV watching can really aggravate me if the adverts in-between my favourite programs (“How to Murder someone and get away with it”…or “CSI” as some people call it) are for medications (and I know day time TV is worse, but thankfully I have a job!)

It’s all the “…the best thing for …(insert any common illness)… without a prescription” crap that gets on my nerves, whether it is hydrogen peroxide, AKA bleach for ears… (please don’t use it) or expensive cough mixture that just equates to honey, glycerin and lemon, but costs a fortune. (Make your own… and maybe a splash of whiskey…).

Now the reason I mention this is two fold…firstly it is that despite all this money, the advertising companies seem to come up with some really stupid names…

if the cream doesn’t work, get a suppository and you can shove it up your anus ‘ol’!

…and secondly they also come up with some really stupid phrases…last night my wife and I got the giggles having watched the advert for Canesten Duo, one tablet and a tube of cream that’ll sort out that thrush and…apparently it…

“Leaves you feeling yourself again!”

To watch it click here

Urm… is someone in the advertising department just really sweet- minded and didn’t consider the connotations, or did a team sit round “brainstorming”…

I can visualise it now…

Idiot team leader (ITL)…”Yay, OK, Urm.. so any thoughts about what’s bad about thrush, team?”

New boy in team…”My mum says it’s itchy and sore!”

ITL: “Yay, OK good. Urm so what are the consequences…”

Sweaty bald bloke: “Well if m’ bits were sore I wouldn’t be able to play wiv m’self, so if I were a women, I wouldn’t be able to feel me’selves up like”

ITL: “OK great, so if you use the cream, you’ll be able to feel yourself again…great punchy line to finish on eh? Shall we discuss it with some of the ladies on the team…oh actually, no lets not bother”.

All I can say is if advertising is worth doing, at least have some thought into what exactly you are trying to say!

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Good service…but no free paper…

Posted on December 2, 2008. Filed under: At home... | Tags: |

This is a bit of a follow up…back in the deep dark archives of this blog, I told of my grandad and his total knee replacement which he had completed privately.  Well this is a bit of an update. Since then he has had nothing but trouble with his “private” knee, and so ended up requiring further intervention. Apparently (and I’m not very “ortho minded”) a total knee replacement doesn’t actually replace the total knee… as they used his knee cap, which is apparently what has been causing all the trouble.

So his GP referred him to the National Health Service orthopods.

Anthropodic surgeon?

Grandad (quite quickly) was seen by exactly the same surgeon he saw privately, who said they needed to give him a new knee cap.  He then had a speedy date for his op and last week went in for his second bout of knee surgery.

He didn’t pay £10, 000, he didn’t get his own room, he didn’t get a “free” newspaper. So I was waiting for his NHS bashing comments on discharge…

He didn’t…

He did get discharged…it’s not like I’m typing this in a black suit wondering what I am going to do with my grandma now!  But he DID NOT moan about his hospital stay…

He got 8 hours sleep per night, he said the food was nice (which for my grandad usually means there was plenty of it), he said the staff were friendly and helpful, he shared a bay with 3 other gents who he could spy upon and relay the stories to Grandma, he doesn’t appear to have MRSA.  He is happy with his care.

OK so it isn’t a very interesting blog article, and it wouldn’t be a very good story for the press to grab and run with…but it damn well needs saying!!!!

So if you are a friendly NHS worker, I take it upon myself to say thank you from every single patient that didn’t complain!  Well done…Keep up the good work…

While we’re talking about my grandparents, I thought I’d share this little story with you…Years ago my grandparents, not wanting to burden the next generations with the issue, decided to buy two plots at the cemetery for “when the time comes…” Cheery.

Recently they have decided that no one much would come to their grave, so decided they’d ask the council for their money back… 

“I’ve changed my mind…have you got anything roomier???”

The council (not too surprisingly) had never had this request before, so looked into it and decided to pay my grandparents the current price…

Oh yes….my grandparents made a profit on their own grave and lived to enjoy the money!!  Shucks they makes me proud!!

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Only half the story…

Posted on July 30, 2008. Filed under: At home..., Benign |

I sit in my room, and simple things bother me…I see patients with simple conditions that just won’t respond to the treatment that works for everyone else…something is missing…

Have you ever considered the concept that every member of your family is someones patient?!

It’s quite a scary thought when you consider how things are from the other side of the consulting room desk.  Last night I was on the phone to my grandparents – thankfully not registered at the surgery where I work.  We were (as usual) chatting about all there usual health problems and it became apparent that the clinician only really gets… half the story or less…
I doubt my Grandad’s Doctor understands why this fairly healthy chap in his 80’s had so many problems with his knee after he had it replaced. But then I doubt my Grandad’s Doctor knows that as well as having physiotherapy, my Grandma told Grandad that a 2 mile walk would be the best thing to for him on the second week after his surgery. I also doubt that he knows Grandad has been up the ladder on a grass slope leaning over to cut the hedges, so that the gardener wouldn’t have to worry about it.

I also doubt the Doctor can understand why Grandad has had such terrible back pain since his knee op.  If he knew that Grandad throws a rope over the balcony for Grandma to hook the shopping on and then he heaves it back up, the Doctor might understand a bit better…well at least his resting his knee rather than running up the stairs with the shopping!

Joy-bells, Joy-bells, where for art thou shopping bags?

Then I hear about all my Grandma’s troubles.

She’s one of these ladies with otitis externa that just doesn’t want to resolve.  I see patients like this all the time… I can’t figure out why it won’t clear up…  But I know why my Grandma’s doesn’t… my Grandad won’t let her leave her hearing aid out, so her canal never dries up and stays permanently as wet as the men’s toilet at the footy ground, with an odour to match (nice).  My Grandad understands about ear canals, that’s why he uses his car keys to get the wax out of them…apparently it helps the ignition as well!! (NOT RECOMMENDED!!!!)

Brrrrrm, Brrrrrrm. Listen to that engine turn over…

During the phone call I had to laugh out loud..nobody heard me, so nobody was offended….

Granny Max: I had to have the gunk syringed out of my ears again today.

Max (cynically): Did that make it better or worse?

Granny Max: Yes, I saw the nurse!!

So as a clinician am I any better…. Well I personally am not a good patient.  My doctor is fabulous, his young, enthusiastic and enjoys educating his patients.  I am the ultimate patient with an agenda…I hate patients that come in and say…”This is what I want”…but I am that patient.

By the time I am actually ill enough to be bothered to go to the doctor, I have diagnosed myself and just want the required treatment.  I don’t want him to draw me a picture, I understand the mechanism of the problem, I know the best home-care remedies, I have tried them and am happy to continue to do so…I don’t go to the doctors for assessment…”Give me what I want and then go and make yourself a coffee in the rest of my appointment time…please!” 

 How cross would I make me?  Very!!  So I try my best to humour him, but I know I’m wasting his time…and that’s what bugs me most.

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At home with Max…

Posted on July 26, 2007. Filed under: At home... |

It’s a little unlike me to mix my blog with home life, usually very work orientated but I felt the need to off load my home life for a change – this goes on a bit, and I apologies, normal service will resume next week…..

We are in the process of exchanging contract with view to moving to a nicer house in the countryside.

At 16.30 yesterday we had someone who wants our house, and we have somewhere to go. It’s a nice short chain involving 3 properties only.  We were in that short quiet phase where all the surveys are being completed and the legal stuff gets sorted.

At 16.35 yesterday our buyer pulled out, making several lame excuses including the fact the garage is not in view from the house, so he couldn’t see his car and so was concerned re: security.  This is a lame excuse, put your freakin’ car in the garage – and anyway, you don’t have a car!

My loving spouse was in tears, she is besotted with our potential new house, and gutted that we might lose it. Our house was on the market for ages and despite huge amounts of interest, only one offer was made.

At 16.40 (having just got in from work – and from having an amazingly challenging day – I’ll tell you another time), I was instructed to go to my dad’s to pick up the lawn mower. 


Crisis management – get the bloody lawn cut ASAP our house is about to go back on the market, and it looks a mess.  Now I did have my own lawn mower, but 1 week ago my father in law blew it up. (To quote my daughter “Papa made smoke come out”).  So I borrowed one from some friends 2 days ago, so kind “papa” tried to cut the lawn again yesterday – instead he cut the cable!!  He has gone through a lawn mower a week for the last two weeks!

At 16.45 we sold our house (again), to somebody who was interested weeks ago, but couldn’t commit then, but can now. (and they put in a higher offer than the one we’d accepted and just lost! – ssshhhh!)

Immense relief!  My wife was shaking. Too much emotion for 10 minutes!

Later that evening we opened a bottle of wine, and somehow we got back round to a familiar subject – eternity rings. Now I know that rings are important symbolism to women.

I am married, and in this day and age lots of marriages break down, sometimes because people change, sometimes because people don’t realise they are marrying an arsehole. 

 I made my commitment….


…and I plan to stick by that.  Everyone that knows my wife and I, knows that we have had our ups and downs – and I don’t mean the usual shit of arguements and flings – We argue (apparently it is healthy), and to the best of my knowledge neither of us have had flings. I’m talking life shattering, wondering if you wife is going to live through the night kind of ups and downs. (to mention just one of two major life traumas we’ve experienced since we were  married only 5 years ago).  It may sound egotestical (purposally mispelt) but I believe many a weaker marriage would have ended a long time ago.

All I am saying is I am committed for life, but eternity?  Jeees! That’s like forever and ever.  Now I am not saying I am convinced by an after life, anyone that reads on this page knows I am a cynic, but if there is a heaven – perhaps you get to have guilt free sex with angelic beings on tap. 

“Oh, sorry sir, not you, it states in the small print you have committed yourself to another for eternity”

Full of men who bought eternity rings.

My wife called me selfish. I felt like pointing out how much of a rollercoaster ride we’d had in the 10minutes between 16.35 and 16.45, and how that emphasised how long a life time commitment was, let alone eternity.  But alas eternity in heaven with sex on tap would be no fun without my genitals – so I kept quiet!

I don’t expect I’ve heard the last of this.

I go to work for the peaceful atmosphere…

Incidentally I cut the grass anyway, and “Papa” has organised to have our friends lawn mower repaired, and aquired us a free one!

Change of Shift is up and worth a read as always…very colourful!! 

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